Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Awful Human Being Quiz Will Suss Out the Awful Human Beings

Most Canuck fans are good people. They just want to see their team win, and they're pretty used to that not happening. As a result, they're resigned, they're relaxed, and they have a tendency to keep their heads. Unfortunately, they are only the majority of Canucks fans, which means that, somewhere, there is a minority of insane, violent, awful human beings who happen to share a love for Vancouver's hockey team.

A word to this minority: we don't want you. You're bad. Go elsewhere.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: am I bad? Am I an awful human being? Perhaps. But we at PITB don't just want to leave you in the dark. We would like very much to help identify you. And then shun you.

With that in mind, we spent the weekend creating this very scientific quiz, which should help to evaluate how awful you are. It's only three questions long, so you should know if you're an awful human being within five minutes:


1. It's 1994. The Canucks have just fallen one goal short of winning the Stanley Cup, bringing great pride to the city of Vancouver with a performance for the ages. Do you:
a) Congratulate the team on making Vancouver proud
b) Destroy Vancouver

2. It's 2004. Todd Bertuzzi has just broken Steve Moore's neck. Do you:
a) Blame the guy who broke a guy's neck
b) Blame the guy whose neck just got broken

3. It's 2011. Theoren Fleury has just espoused his opinion that the Canucks are primed for a first-round playoff upset. Do you:
a) Respectfully disagree with him
b) Enable child molesters by persecuting a victim for speaking out about it


Yeah, if you answered B to any one of these three questions, we'd prefer if you took your fandom elsewhere. Oh. And if you answered B to all three, you're clearly Satan.

By the by, if you're a non-awful Vancouver fan with a question you think might help skim out the dreck, by all means, leave it in the comments.

26 comments:

  1. Poll needs Messier question

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  2. They all moments when i feel shame

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  3. It's 2011 and the Henrik and Daniel Sedins have emerged as genuine NHL superstars. Do you:
    a) Take pleasure from having witnessed their development from first round draft picks?
    b) Still refer to them the Sedin sisters because they don't drop the gloves?

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  4. Do any other franchises have more shameful moments than this? seriously?

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  5. @Anonymous 1:05 I do believe Montreal has a rich history of burning police cars to celebrate/lament pretty much anything related to their team.

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  6. Thankfully Montreal destroys there city way more often. No one notices because it's so frequent, though.


    Shamefully, back in 2004 I selected 'B' at the time. The playground logic made so much sense back then... Moore concussed Naslund, therefor, deserved what happened.

    I was a greasey teenager then, and I certainly don't feel the same way now.

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  7. It's the end of Game 5 of the Western Conference finals - 2009. Your team has just lost said game but is not yet eliminated. Do you:

    a) remain positive and encourage them to do their best in Game 6 in Chicago?
    b) act pessimistic and write off their chances in game 6?
    c) throw items on the ice?

    Answer (c) is of the awful human being category.

    I will also argue, however, that Vancouver fans are the worst for pessicism. Stop with the "Fire AV, Fire Gillis, Trade Luongo, Sedins are sissies, 39 years and counting garbage" after every loss or bad stretch!

    Yeah, the horrible human beings exist that would act the way you have described, Harrison, but they are merely a mutated form of a much more rampant breed of Canucks fans - the pessimistic. And I would argue that our team and city suffers from this affliction on an epidemic level and it makes me sad.

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  8. It's game 2 of the regular season, and Luongo just let in 4 goals in a game. Do you:

    a) Anticipate he'll come back with a win next game?
    b) Immediately demand a trade, and wonder why the team isn't starting Eddie Lack every night?

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  9. In terms of other franchises..
    As an Ottawa Senators fan, when Bryan Berard lay on the ice beside a puddle of blood that streamed from his eye, did you:
    a) Express your concern for his well-being and applaud when he got up
    b) Boo him the whole time, as a result of your bitterness that he shunned your team 5 years ago

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  10. Come on Mike.

    None of it is black and white.

    Whether someone was upset with Greg Moore and his elbow on Nazzy, does not mean they wanted Bertuzzi to commit a criminal act.

    Whether a bunch of people got caught up in the mob mentality after the police panicked after getting cut off from their brethren and shot some people with bean bags, setting off a riot, does not mean that the vast majority of people on the street that night wanted a riot.

    Same with the Twitards. They are what they are. they speak for no one but themselves, and they have to live with themselves.

    I disagreed with Theo's take. I admire the heck out of him for how he has turned his life around.

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  11. Greg Moore raced fast cars :)

    Miss him dearly, by the by..

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  12. I blame Bertuzzi for blindsiding Moore and punching him in the back of the head but that didn't fracture the vertebrae his neck.

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  13. Anonymous 3:36--Fair enough; there are varying degrees of blame for that incident.

    Given Bert's last ouster from a game for elbow-to-head, I must say I don't miss him (or Cooke's) antics in this new Canucks!

    Happy to report I did answer all As, although I maybe deserve an A- for question 2.

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  14. I wouldn't blame Moore for the incident, but the teammates that pushed Bert over top of Moore and then dog piled him are probably somewhat responsible for the severity of the injury.

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  15. I obviously meant the other Moore?

    Ooops. I like the Maple Ridge Racer a lot myself. Guy could drive.

    I blame Bertuzzi. In hockey time ( relative to the slower pace we live our normal lives at ), the amount of time he was on Moore from behind, goading and getting ignored...the thought of "don't do something stupid" should have went through that big ol' head.

    It was selfish as he!! too. If he does not do that, no way does Minny do their thing.

    I didn't answer any...sorry PITB. All three have shades of grey. #3 is just a little ???. I can dislike both child molestors and what a certain diminutive winger for a certain team from a certain prairie city says in regards to the playoff chances of the team from Lotusland. ( "damn hippies!" Can see Theo..."get off my lawn. Pul up your pants...!")

    I hope! ;-)

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  16. Your music's bad and you should feel bad!

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  17. While the main idea is valid and important for your every day Canuck fan to also show their maturity (after all these years), I think the second question is plain and simple wrong in this context. Let's not forget that was happening in a time when blindsided shots to the head like Scott Stevens on Lindros were considered textbook hockey play!...

    Was that period of time in NHL something anyone associated with it should be proud of or they all should accept of being bad and apologise?

    Is NHL doing the right thing with Chara's hit? This is regardless of the medical condition Pacioretty is in since the majority had no option but to admit (not immediately) that Chara deliberately pushed Pacioretty just for good measures...

    Personal opinion: NHL is as much to blame as anyone else involved in the Bertuzzi's incident. If a nobody (Moore) hitting in the head a star (Naslund) would have been suspended even symbolically to 1 game, I can bet nothing else could have happened. The way things went NHL played the role of Pilat and then washed their hands while screaming "Vancouver did it".

    Shame!...

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  18. You're right, it's entirely his fault he got punched in the head from behind, knocking him out so he could be crushed to the ice and have his neck broken. Entirely his fault.

    Please.

    Could the NHL have done more about what Moore did to Naslund? Yes. Does that make it at all okay that Bertuzzi coldcocked him from behind? No.

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  19. I think I wrote a pretty decent argument why that incident should have not been considered for this article. You had so many others to choose from, at least as embarrasing since they happen weekly; most of them you saw them live during the latest California trip, remember?...

    Moore breaking his neck was unfortunate. I hope you do not suggest this was anyone's intent. Samples of intent to injure:
    a) Scott Stevens on Lindros and other times;
    b) Cooke's blindsided hits including on Savard;
    c) Pacioretty being driven into the divider;
    etc.

    If you really want to discuss the Moore incident, let's discuss it in comparison with something similar (or apples with apples). Moore incident has nothing to do with falling one goal short of the Cup in 1994 and it has even less to do with Fleury's comments. That is all I am saying! For the rest keep up the good work :-)

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  20. What we're talking about is fan reaction to events. I actually agree with you that Bertuzzi did not intend to break Moore's neck. I think it's laughable that you suggest it wasn't an intent to injure at all. But that's not what we're talking about; we're talking about the fan reaction, which was ludicrous.

    There was nothing embarrassing during the California trip; trust me, I was there. Any incidents that occurred were grossly blown out of proportion by the media.

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  21. Pacioretty being driven into the divider was not an example of an intent to injure situation. It was an example of a defender choosing not to get beaten on the boards side of the play.

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